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Reading Notes: The Life of Buddha Part B
In the second part of the reading Siddhartha sees the real truths about life. He thinks the world is all happy places, where everyone is joy...
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Helloo! My name is Urvi (ur-vee) and I am currently a Junior here at the University of Oklahoma. My major is Health and Exercise Science... -
University of Oklahoma campus WikiCommons Once upon a time there was a student, who went to the University of Oklahoma. His name was ...
Hi Urvi!
ReplyDeleteTo preface myself, I am not very familiar with the Harry Potter series beyond some of the movies I have seen. Even so, I can see your love and excitement for Harry Potter in the writing of your introduction. It sounds like you have a great plan for a take on the series in the style of the Ramayana! I find it especially interesting that Harry might be utilizing a bow instead of magic to defeat his enemies. Or maybe he will be using both to destroy Voldemort? Either way, you have the set up for some creative stories in your storybook! The only things I can comment on are just the need for commas before and after some of your clauses and a couple of spelling errors.
You have a great introduction, and I am excited to see how you choose to develop your ideas through your storybook!
Hi Urvi!
ReplyDeleteI am going to start off my saying that your project is the one I picked from the list this week and I totally picked yours because of the title. I am a huge Harry Potter nerd so you drew me in immediately. I was so excited to see that! I’ll be honest, I am kind of jealous that I did not think to do a Harry Potter theme myself but I am so excited to see what you have come up with! I did notice a few grammar mistakes, mostly comma-related. I also saw a couple spelling mistakes but those are easy to fix with a proofread! But, I really liked how you set everything up and I cannot wait to read more later on. I think you have some really good ideas. Your website seems to be going in a great direction. Lastly, I loved the picture and it definitely gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling. ☺
Hey Urvi!
ReplyDeleteI think it's super interesting that you did a Harry Potter theme because that is what I did for my first portfolio story! I even used Parvati and Padma as my main characters so I thought that was funny! Great minds think alike :-) I really loved your introduction though, and I thought it was super cool that you added in the "Ramayana part 2." When I was reading it, I wondered how exactly Parvati and Padma knew that the Ramayana part 2 was going to happen? And how exactly did they figure out that Lord Voldemort was Ravana? Other than that, there were a few grammar things I noticed (at the very last sentence - "us Patil sister will be there" should be "us Patil sisters will be there"). Just small things that are easily fixable! Overall I really loved your storybook intro and how you put the element of reincarnation in there, since that is a big theme in the Hindu culture. Can't wait to read the rest of your storybook!
Hi, Urvi!
ReplyDeleteI like the banner and the image you put on your page. You have an interesting name for the your storybook. I really like how creative you are by writing this story with Harry Potter theme and characters. It really draws my attention and makes me want to continue reading it. I bet you will get a lot of readers! I like the structure of this sentence “We have something really interesting to share about the past of Hogwarts”. It kinda foreshadows that you will tell the readers all about the things in the past. Your introduction is well done. It gives enough hints to the reader what you are going to write next. I also like how you are relating the Indian epic Ramayana with Harry Potter.
There is a few grammar and spelling errors, such as “It holds many secrets, which not many know off.”
I enjoyed reading your introduction!
Hey Uvi!
ReplyDeleteI was super excited to read your storybook! I am a super huge fan of Harry Potter and the title really pulled me in and made me want to read it. You did a great job setting up your storybook. The layout looked pretty organized and you added just enough for it to look interesting without being too busy. Your choice of pictures is spot on! You picked such great images and it just adds to the whole vibe you are going for in your story book. One thing I do suggest is that maybe it would be cool to add your name to the home page like you would see in an actual book. As for your writing, your intro is amazing! That first paragraph really grabs your attention. Any Harry Potter fan knows how Hogwarts has such a colorful, interesting, and mysterious history. You really bring that up nicely in the first part. I did notice that after "bear in mind" there should probably be a comma after "mind". Other than that, I didn't really see any mistakes. You did such an amazing job!
Hello Urvi!
ReplyDeleteI am a huge fan of anything Harry Potter related so I was very excited to get a closer look at your project! In terms on the layout, I think it is a very nice choice. It makes sense that you went with darker colors to emphasize the darkness that Voldemort can bring to any story. However, it is not too dark and is easy to navigate and view.
Your introduction and very well done and definitely made me want to read more. There are a few formatting errors simply dealing with spacing that I would correct. However, if they are intentional I would make them more obvious. This is something small, but will make your introduction more visually pleasing as well as better flowing! I am excited to follow your project after reading this introduction. The Ramayana and Harry Potter are two awesome tales to bring together.
Hey Urvi!
ReplyDeleteWhat a unique way to tell the story in. it makes me wonder what kind of similarities you'll be able to pull from Harry Potter to the Ramayana. It also make me wonder if any similarities you do find are coincidence or if the author intended them. Either way, super interesting.
My only critique of the introduction at this point would be that it feels like there are two distinct sections of the introduction. the frist couple paragraphs and then thha part talking about harry Potter. I feel like since the introductions are so short, that by splitting it off into two section you are just making it feel a bit more fractured than it needs to. So maybe find a way to reconcile the two together better.
Hey Urvi!
ReplyDeleteI thought your introduction was very unique! I think it's really funny that Harry Potter is going to defeat Ravana in what is basically the events of the Ramayana unfolding once again. There are a lot of cool things you could do with the fight scenes and integrating other Harry Potter characters. I hope to see story installments soon!
One thing would be that I think the introduction could flow a little better between talking in first person and introducing the world, and then moving into introducing Harry and explaining the backstory to what you are about to tell us in the installments. You could have a short sentence where you say you're about to begin the story or something along those lines.
One last thing, when I read your story, the left side was cut off a bit by the side menu. I have no idea if that's me or the website.
Urvi, I read one of your Indian Epics stories similar to this not too long ago. It was an easy choice to go to your project for Feedback this week! I honestly think that this concept of merging one of the most famous Indian epics, the Ramayana, and one of the most famous book series in the world, Harry Potter, is so unique. You make the merging of these popular stories seem so easy, but I imagine that planning this out took a good deal of time. I am glad to be reading a project that has been considered so carefully. You took two background characters, Padma and Parvati Patil, and made them the focus of your project. Bringing these characters to the forefront to make them the heroes that will save Hogwarts from Voldemort/Ravana is so enticing and makes me want to return for your future stories. The only suggestion that I have for the introduction and the first story is to go back and edit some of the punctuation. Other than that, seriously, good job!
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ReplyDeleteUrvi, I just read your Introduction and first Storybook story. As I am the last comment on this page, you can tell that I have already been here! Yours is one of my favorite class projects that I have read, as I love Harry Potter, but the way that you are incorporating the Ramayana into it is really fascinating. You must have a great imagination. Reading How Voldemort Came to Be, it was great that you mentioned the concepts of Dharma, Karma, and moksha. However, the reader may very well not know what these things are, so I would explain them in greater detail. Also, there are several places in the text where you are missing words/articles. For example, "Tom grew (up) without (a) mom" and "Tom had (a) miserable childhood." These are easy fixes. I am sure your next story will be equally as interesting as the rest of the project so far. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHey Urvi,
ReplyDeleteFirst off I would like to let you know that the design of your webpage is very easy to navigate. I also like that you had the bar on the side to navigate.
The first story did a really good job of outlining the characters that I assume you will be using later on. All of the characters you chose seemed to be from the Ramayana, do you have intentions of using characters from the Mahabharata? I do not think that it is necessary to have that but it could add a little depth.
I did like how you took the time to develop the characters a before diving right into a deep story. You could have just lead with a story using these characters but not have developed any sort of background and it would have been lacking.
I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future!
Hi Urvi!
ReplyDeleteI really love both your project idea and the design of your webpage. Not only is it super creative to have a story about Voldemort in context of the Ramayana, but the dark background to the website and the pictures you have really add to the mood, as well. I read your story titled "How Voldemort Came to Be" this week. I thought you did a great job prefacing the story by telling it from the point of Parvati Patil, and the way you developed your characters was fantastic. One suggestion that I had as to how to improve your story is that you could improve the final paragraph by expanding on specifically what went on between Voldemort and Dumbledore to provoke the evil in Voldemort. As it is right now, I feel like it could use some detail. Overall, though, wonderful job on the concept and the writing, and I look forward to reading more of your work!
Hi Urvi,
ReplyDeleteWhat a great idea for a story! Padma and Parvati do not get enough attention, so I like that you made them the narrators. I also like that you plunge us right into the story and world in the introduction. Your pictures are a nice addition and set the scene well.
I was a little confused that in the first story they moved to the Hogwarts Express, as they had talked to Harry at Hogwarts. You mention in the author's note that they are explaining it to others on the train, but I think it would help to clarify that at the beginning. It might also be nice to have some interjections from the listeners or other remarks throughout the history that make it clear that Parvati is the narrator and she has an audience. Perhaps the students could ask questions throughout it? That would make it feel more connected to the story as a whole.
Hi Urvi,
ReplyDeleteI really liked you blog design! It is really fun and I feel like it goes really good with the theme of the class. I love that your project it Harry Potter themed. This makes this story book appealing to a lot of people and a great way to capture people's attention. Also, the design of your website is really simple, but it works perfectly with the theme, since the pictures used are both extravagant and large. I also like how this storybook seems that it will take place in chronological order. I like that because it lets the reader keep track without it being confusing. I also agree with the comment above. I think the the children where to ask question occasionally, it would add significantly to the connection. Also they could just make little comments. I think that adding the questions would also help to break it up just a little. Overall great job and good luck with the rest of the project.
Hello, Urvi!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all I am so incredibly excited that you chose a Harry Potter themed storybook. I am such a Harry Potter fan (books and movies) and I really appreciate how accurate your details were. How creative to use the Patil sisters for their perspective on Voldemort as related to Indian Epics!
Anyways, since you did such a great job it was difficult for me to think of any questions. I suppose one comment has to do with the beginning of your story "How Voldemort Came to be." I love your idea of telling this story to students on the Hogwarts Express, but the transition in the first paragraph where it was explained that Parvati answered Harry's questions was a bit confusing. Maybe the paragraph could begin with specific questions from the riders on the train so that the transition between explanation and storytelling is clear.
Great work so far!
Hello Urvi,
ReplyDeleteThe title is what attracted me to read your stories. The fact that you are combining Indian Mythology with the world of Harry Potter brought a giant smile to my face. This is an interesting take on stories that a lot of people know and to have it told by the Patil sisters fits the course. The way you incorporated these two worlds together so far is a genius idea. The writing is sound. How you gave the short description for Dharma and Karma helps people who do not know what they mean. Not a lot of errors besides "celevrated as a festival in India" needs to be corrected. The ending seemed a little rushed to me, it went from a nice paced story to a lot happening within just a few short sentences. You could have gave a little more detail of who or what Nagini is for the people who are not familiar with the Harry Potter world. Looking forward to the next one.
Hey Urvi, great work on your storybook so far. I really like the layout of it and it is really well organized and clear. Your introduction does a great job of getting the reader into the vibes of your story, and it also does a great job of giving the necessary background information that leads into the first part of your story. Harry Potter is an awesome subject and was also in a way the inspiration for my storybook. Telling the story from the Patel twins perspective is a creative and unique way to tell your story from. Overall, I can tell that you are really passionate about your storybook topic! I think it could be really cool if you incorporated more pictures because pictures are an easy way to help the reader visualize things you are saying in your writing. But that was the only suggestion I had. Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteHi Urvi!
ReplyDeleteI chose your storybook to read as my free choice because I am a huge Harry Potter fan. I found your introduction very interesting. I liked how you chose the two known Indian characters to tell the story. The way that you pulled the idea of reincarnation into the Harry Potter story seems very interesting to read.
The concepts that you write about in your first story are very hard to understand. I liked how you first further explained the story of Ravana. The way you explained the story and concepts further really helps readers. The only thing I may add as a suggestion, is you may want to explain some of the things relating to Harry Potter a little further for readers who haven’t read the books or seen the movies. Overall I think you have done a wonderful job of working these two stories together and creating something new. I look forward to reading the future stories for your storybook collection. Good job.
Urvi,
ReplyDeleteHi! I'm visiting from the Myth and Folklore class, and let me tell you, I was so excited when I saw a storybook about Harry Potter in the mix! It is one of my favorite stories, and taking your own original idea and twisting it into the Voldemort character is a great idea!
I am glad that you used the Patil twins as your narrators. One, because it goes along with the Indian culture of the story, and two, because they are such overlooked characters in the books. My one criticism about your use for them is that I would like to see more of their personality within your writing; they are the narrators, so their bias is going to be a part of the story as a whole. Since I am a fan of Harry Potter, I understood what was going on within the story, but the only other advice I could offer is to add more details from the series so that readers who have not read the books (even though that's blasphemous) can understand what is going on. Your incorporation of the reincarnation was good enough that I understand the original tale even though I did not read the story myself.
This is a really good Storybook idea and I'm looking forward to coming back and reading more from you!
Cassidy
Hi Urvi. I chose to come to this storybook because of your title. I am a huge Harry Potter fan so I had to see what you were going to with Voldemort. After reading your introduction and then your first story, I must say I am impressed. I liked how you used the reincarnation idea of Ravana into Harry Potter. Your writing is also very good as well. I don't have many critiques. The backstory of Voldemort was really great to read as well. Keep up the good work! I'm excited to see what the rest of your stories are like.
ReplyDeleteHi Urvi!
ReplyDeleteThe title told me that your storybook was going to be Harry Potter related, so I absolutely had to come read it. I'm sure that has been a draw for the many, many Harry Potter fans in this class. I really like the idea of making reincarnation a theme in your stories, with Rama and Ravana getting reincarnated as Potter and Voldemort. I think that was a very creative way to weave the two worlds together. Starting out with Voldemort's backstory, while also providing background information about Ravana's previous life, the afterworld, and the Hindu concepts of dharma, karma, and moksha was a brilliant way to start out. You provided a lot of necessary information, but you did it in a fun way that was enjoyable to read. You're doing a great job, I can't wait to read the rest!
Hi Urvi!
ReplyDeleteI was so excited to find a Harry Potter themed storybook! I think it is really interesting that you choose to tell the story from Padma's perspective especially since book readers will be more familiar with Parvarti's character. I think that decision gives you a lot of room to explore and create Padma's characteristics throughout your storybook. I am curious, since Rama is technically a reincarnation of Vishna, is Harry as well? Even being in this class I am still slightly confused on the rules governing reincarnation and think it would be good to include line or two clearing that up. I did really like giving Voldemort's backstory really early on rather than towards the end. I think that decision allows you to firmly break away from the books and it removes the expectation that your storybook will follow the same general plot and timeline of the original story. Overall, I really loved reading your Introduction and first story and look forward to reading more!
-Elizabeth
Hi Urvi! I read some of your stories a while ago, but I decided to come back and see what else you had written since I loved your storybook and Harry Potter! I was no disappointed. I really enjoyed "Harry's encounter with Lord Voldemort". There's just a few instances where names aren't capitalized like they need to be, but other than that I really liked your new story. You are doing a great job using Harry Potter as your guideline, but really making it your own with Padma's perspective.
ReplyDeleteHey Urvi! I read your introduction a while back, when we first started these projects, and I love the new additions to your storybook! I like how in "How Voldemort Came to Be," you explained the festival of Diwali and incorporated both the Ramayana and Harry Potter into it by stating how Rama fought off Ravana's darkness with the light. I also like how you explained the Dharma, Moksha, and Karma in detail, so that some of the background information could be cleared up a little bit. You did a great job of incorporating some of the plot of Harry Potter with the plot of the Ramayana. One suggestion I have for "Harry's Encounter With Lord Voldemort" is maybe introducing the Patil sisters beforehand, since you go straight into saying "us sisters." I was a little confused as to whose perspective you were writing from, but just adding a simple "us Patil sisters" would clear it up a little :) other than that I really enjoyed your storybook, I'm a huge fan of HP :)
ReplyDeleteHi Urvi!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I love your Wikipedia cat! That's so cute. I also read your introduction a while back like Akriti did, and I was very intrigued. The way that you've woven it together, with Ravana as Voldemort and Rama as Harry Potter fits so well! And the voice that you use for the Patil sisters is so fun, and it seems to be pretty well defined and consistent throughout your stories. In "How Voldemort Came To Be", it was great to have the sisters explaining concepts to Harry so the reader could learn them along with him, just in case they didn't know. In "Harry's Encounter with Lord Voldemort, that same sort of strategy continues as you teach the reader about "Om" and other mantras, and it works really well. I think it might've been cool if, since Rama is Harry now, if the fight between him and Rama was some mix of magic and the traditional archery and such, so that both stories were seamlessly integrated with each other. Other than that, though, I think these stories work really well.
Urvi, I just read "Harry's encounter with Lord Voldemort." I am still impressed that you managed to blend together the Ramayana and Harry Potter while also bringing two background characters, the Patil sisters, to the forefront. There are just a few things that I noticed that need fixing, but they aren't about the actual story so much. In the first paragraph, "face" should be "faced." Also, when Harry says, "How does he know about me," there should be a question mark after. Finally, I would elongate the battle with Lord Voldemort in the final paragraph so that the story will flow more nicely overall. This is the climax of the story, and as you have built up to it nicely, there should be more action so that your story has a strong, exciting finish. Other than that, though, I would just suggest adding some pictures within the actual body of the text or at the beginning of your stories instead of waiting until the end. Good job on this!
ReplyDeleteHi Urvi!
ReplyDeleteI'm actually in the Myth-Folklore class, but saw that we were able to visit projects from the other class. So, I came across yours! I was in this class last semester, so I love seeing the new ideas that people come up with. I am amazed with your ability to combine both the Ramayana and Harry Potter by making the Patil Sisters play a major role. You have developed their characters really well in all the stories, something that must've been challenging since they don't really play a major role in the original series. My favorite story would have to be the last one "Harry Potter Encounters Lord Voldemort". Something I noticed, however, was that this title on the page was different than the title shown in the sidebar. Tiny mistake - and the "E" on encounters was not capitalized. I really liked you how were able to take the concept of reincarnation and incorporate it into this story! Something else I might suggest, as other classmates have said above, is to maybe move the images around or even add more! Sometimes, this helps readers with visualizing the story, especially if it's something brand new like this! Great job! Good luck with finals!
Hi Urvi!
ReplyDeleteI'm a visitor from the Myth-Folklore class, but we were able to view some Indian Epics projects, and yours was one that I wanted to read. I will admit, I chose projects due to the names of them, and I'm happy that I read yours. I'm a Harry Potter fan so I wanted to see what creative, unique ideas you had to make it your own. I'm impressed that you were able to combine the Ramayana and Harry Potter! I wasn't familiar with the stories, but your author's notes totally clarified everything. I liked all of the stories, but my favorite was "Harry Potter Encounters Lord Voldemort." I like the simple design of your site. I understand that it's probably difficult to find pictures to suit your story that are available for reuse, but if you found some others I think a couple more images would enhance the stories. Great job on your project, and good luck with finals!
Hi Urvi! I looked over your project page at the beginning of the semester and really enjoyed your ideas so I thought I'd come see what you've done now that we are at the end of the semester. I am a big Harry Potter fan so I love that you have incorporated that story into this class. I read your story "Harry's encounter with Lord Voldemort" and I really enjoyed it. I know the semester is pretty much over but I did notice a few small things that you could fix if you liked. There are a couple of grammatical errors that you may want to read over but no big deal. I also think it would help if you added a bit to the battle scene to end the story more fluidly. Great job overall!
ReplyDelete